Tuesday, August 7, 2012

The Baby Matrix by Laura Carroll Plus Kindle Fire Giveaway

Welcome to Author Laura Carroll

Laura Carroll is the author of The Baby Matrix: Why Freeing Our Minds From Outmoded Thinking About Parenthood & Reproduction will Create a Better World, Families of Two: Interviews With Happily Married Couples Without Children by Choice, and Finding Fulfillment From the Inside Out.
In addition to writing nonfiction books, she has worked over the last 15 years as a business and litigation psychology consultant and used her expertise in behavioral sciences, psychology, and communications to advise business, legal, and nonprofit professionals on their communications strategies and goals.
Laura is a seasoned leader of personal and professional development seminars, and has appeared on a variety of television shows, including Good Morning America and The Early Show. She has been a guest on many radio talk shows to discuss social science topics.
You’ll also find her online at her nonfiction book site, LiveTrue Books, and her top blog, La Vie Childfree.

Website: http://lauracarroll.com/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/LauraCarroll88
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Families-of-Two-Childfree-and-Beyond/139821682696375



Dispelling the Myths of Only Children

Imagine you have a child, and are not sure if you want to have another one. But you think you should because it’s best for a child to have a sibling, right? Wrong, say Bill McKibben and other experts. The bias against only children has an interesting history, and began in the late 1800s with psychologist Stanley Hall. He was the Victorian era’s “Dr. Spock.” He did a study of “peculiar and exceptional children” with 1,045 child subjects. “Peculiar and exceptional” was loosely defined from reasons that were psychological or physical. Forty-six out of the 1,045 (about 4 percent) were only children, which, according to him, was a “number entirely out of proportion to children generally.” He concluded that an only child is very likely to be peculiar and exceptional. Even though his study many that followed did not stand up to the rigors of good research, the idea stuck, and the conventional wisdom to this day has been that it isn’t good to have an only child.

Better studies to date say otherwise. Toni Falbo, a professor at the University of Texas and her colleague Denise Polit looked at past studies more closely. They analyzed 115 studies of only children in the U.S. across class and race from 1925 onward. The studies looked at adjustment, character, sociability, achievement, and intelligence variables. They found that only children “aren’t measurably different from other kids” except that they, “along with firstborns and people who have only one sibling, score higher in measures of intelligence and achievement.” They are no more likely to be lonely, shy, unpopular, selfish, or maladjusted than children with siblings. They also found that the “personalities of only children were indistinguishable from their peers with siblings.”  No published research can demonstrate any truth behind the stereotypes.

This needs to become more well-known so more people will consider having only one biological child. People need to see that it isn’t only all right to have one child, but it is also doing right by that child. As McKibben argues, more single-child families are necessary so that they and their parents will be more likely to live in a sustainable world.

As the book The Baby Matrix argues, parents who want to have more than one biological child need to look harder at why they feel this way. Is it because they didn’t get the gender one or both parents wanted with first one? Now more than ever, it is important for those who think they want more than one child to answer what need are they filling for themselves, and why they would put themselves and what they want first, knowing the impact of bringing another child into the world. It’s also important for them to ask themselves if their need could be filled in a way other than a second biological child. For example, how about filling that need by parenting a child who is already here? The myths about adoption need to be tackled as well.



The Baby Matrix
Why does our society hold the belief that we are all destined to have children? Why do we believe that parenthood is the ultimate road to fulfillment in life? In The Baby Matrix: Why Freeing Our Minds From Outmoded Thinking About Parenthood & Reproduction Will Create a Better World, author Laura Carroll answers these questions and more through an exploration of and critical look at the pervasiveness of “pronatalism” – the belief that having children should be the central focus of every adult’s life. Carroll examines the historical origins of pronatalism, the reasons why it has such a deep hold on societies even though most people remain unaware of it, and whether it makes sense – for individuals or for the world as a whole. She shows the ways in which pronatalism is perpetuated, scrutinizes seven major pronatalist assumptions that lead people to accept them without question, and offers alternative mindsets that reflect realities, true reproductive freedom and responsibility in today’s society. Whether you are already a parent, want to be a parent, or don’t want children, you will never think about parenthood in the same way. Investigating what few have had the courage to discuss, The Baby Matrix examines the negative effects of pronatalist beliefs, including how they dictate the “normal path” to adulthood, put unwarranted pressure on people to have biological children, and fail to foster a society in which those who are best suited to become parents are the ones who have children. Carroll also brings to light the impact that pronatalism has had on the world at large and will continue to have if its ubiquitous influence is not challenged. Citing compelling statistics, she shows how our belief that we can have as many children as we want is a serious threat in a world with finite resources. In the process, she brings into focus how every life brought into the world directly affects our survival. This manifesto makes the case for why it’s time for all of us to understand why we can no longer afford to leave pronatalist assumptions unquestioned. Without compromise, The Baby Matrix is a reality check for us all. Are we willing to hold on to beliefs that aren’t necessarily true … even to our detriment? This book will make you examine your own intentions and beliefs, will rile you, and might just change your mind. The Baby Matrix is a must-read for anyone interested in psychology, sociology, anthropology, parenting issues, environmentalism, and social justice. But most of all, it’s for anyone, parent or not, who reveres the truth and wants the best for themselves, their families, and our world.









244 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Definitely Not. saubleb(at)gmail(dot)com

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  3. No, certainly not.
    Thanks for the giveaway!

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  4. Of course not, it's an individual choice. I believe having children is important, but I'm not going to judge someone because they decide not to.

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  5. I fully believe that is a very personal choice. I think children are a wonderful blessing, but for those who don't feel the same I don't think it is a crime. Thanks for the awesome giveaway!

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  6. Definitely not. Like everyone else said, it's a personal choice and if you choose not to have children, you have every right to do so.

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  7. absolutely not. we all get to make our own choices -- we can choose to have ten children or none at all. no one should be made to feel abnormal for either choice.

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  8. No way! There are way to many kids out there with parents that should have thought it through before having them. It's 100 percent a personal issue/choice/life changing decision.

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  9. No, it's everyone's right to choose whether or not to have children.

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  10. Absolutely not. Being a parent isn't for everyone and I give those who decide against it alot of credit.
    Thanks so much.
    rickpeggysmith(at)aol(dot)com

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  11. Definitely not, we don't want children being raised by parents who do not want them do we? Having children is a personal choice that comes with a lot of responsibility, it is not for everyone.

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  12. NO, they should not be made to feel that they are not normal. As I told a group of Mormons who came to my door one day, "I don't feel that I was put here on this earth just to pop out babies."

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  13. Absolutely not. That's their personal decision.

    lkish77123 at gmail dot com

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  14. Certainly not! It's a personal choice, and it's not like we're dying out here. o.O If anything, there are some people that simply wouldn't make good parents.... Nothing against them. :)

    Ashley E

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  15. No. It is a personal and private choice.

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  16. absolutley not. some people just arent cut out for kids. and I am one of them. I am so annoyed by them and just don't have the patience. I think it's the responsible thing to do, if you don't feel like you can handle or want kids. then don't have them.

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  17. People who choose not to have children should not be treated differently.

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  18. personal choice. We shouldn't judge others' motivations.

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  19. Of course not!
    jackieque@comcast.net

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  20. No they shouldn't be made to feel bad. It's actually great that someone chooses not to, and makes good on it!

    melanieinaz2003 at yahoo

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  21. no children are not the choice for everyone
    ccasper@centurytel.net

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  22. I don't think so. I mean what constitutes as normal? Everyone has a right to their own choices and reasons behind those choices.

    nmagante@gmail.com

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  23. I think everyone has a right to their own dicision..some people don't have that kind of patience, so if they choose not to, i think it's a good thing..
    jmluker at vhtmail dot net

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  24. There's no reason anyone should be made to not feel normal, for any reason. There are other ways to have generativity than simply creating offspring!

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  25. Absolutely not. It's an individual choice and children should be wanted.

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  26. No. Children are way to important to make it seem like its something everyone has to do.

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  27. Not at all, everybody deserves to choose to parent or not.Thanks for the chance.
    mogrill12@gmail.com

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  28. No. What's a lot scarier is people who should have chosen not to have children who have them anyway. Some of them turn out some really rotten kids.

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  29. Definitely not. Obviously everyone is not meant to be a parent, needs to be a parent, or wants to be a parent.

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  30. Absolutely not, if people don't want to have children then they should not have children - I'm sure they have their reasons!

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  31. No, that is your own choice.

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  32. I never want to have kids & everyone always says to me "why not? you'd make a great mom." It's not a why question to me. It's an ok question.
    I've been made to feel like I'm less of a person because I don't want kids by a few. Others are like "you'll change you mind " No I won't. Get over it people it's not your choice it's mine. I'll step down off my soap box now.
    Rierie11booger (@) yahoo.com

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  33. I think that its ok for people to not want kids. It's not for everyone. I think its wrong that people treat other people differently for a personaly decision that they have made. Having children should not be taken lightly and if your not ready or you dont want one then then don't.

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  34. Their choice is no less legitimate than those who choose to have children.

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  35. No. And why would you pressure someone who doesn't want kids into having one. You wouldn't tell someone who doesn't want a cat to get one anyways.

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  36. I think definitely no. People should have a right to live their lives as they want. Children are not easy to raise and aren't for everyone. There shouldn't be pressure.

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  37. not at all everything is a choice nowadays.
    gabbflabber at live.com

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  38. Absolutely not! That is a very personal choice

    abfantom at yahoo dot com

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  39. No certainly not. Thanks for the giveaway.

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  40. No, having children is a very personal decision based on how an individual feels.
    jstetson2@cfl.rr.com

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  41. No My brother and his wife have no children by choice. The same for my brother in law and his wife. Not everybody should be a parent

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  42. Absolutely not! If you know you don't want children then you probably shouldn't have them!

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  43. Absolutely not. The funny thing is that those who I've notice are most likely to criticize the childless don't think twice about clergy/nuns etc not having kids.

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  44. Absolutely not! People need to just chill out and mind their own business. It is up to the person, not everyone else. Some people have other priorities, and there is nothing wrong with that. Thanks for the giveaway!

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  45. No not at all. People who choose not to have children have every right. Its not for everyone and I would rather someone who wanted kids have them than someone who does not

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  46. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  47. No, they shouldn't be.

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  48. No, its everyone`s choice if they want children or not

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  49. that's silly, I have 2 sister they didnt have kids. I have 3 , but my one sister in particular is the best auntie in the world, it just never happened for her and both my sisters are happy with their choice. Women really need to stop critising each other and support one another

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  50. Should people who choose not to have children be made to feel they are not normal?

    I never wanted kids and I had girlfriends that always talked too me like I wasn't a whole person until I did. I always told them that I was just fine that if they wanted kids they should have them and in turn if I didn't that they should leave me alone with my decision.

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  51. No definately not. I personally love kids, but am disbled and elected years ago to enjoy them through friends and family.

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  52. Absolutely not. Everyone is entitled to their own choice. We should not judge others based on their own personal choices.

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  53. No, definitely not. It is their decision and their life.
    sumer84@live.com

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  54. absolutely not

    dwarzel at hotmail.com

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  55. No way - people know whether they should have children or not - for some, it is the best decision. ..

    kherbrand at att dot net

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  56. No way, some people are just not meant to be parents.

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  57. define normal not all normal people want children

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  58. No! Its their own personal choice. There is nothing wrong with it!

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  59. NO WAY!! Everyone should be treated and respected the same.

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  60. Its much better soeone who dont want children dont have them, then have some and illtreat them.

    Thanks for the giveaway :)
    Cindy B

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  61. I think those people are wonderful. I'm one of them. I choose not to have children. I see plenty of kids out there every day with bad parents. I feel sorry for those kids.

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  62. No, definitely not. It is so much more responsible to know you don't want children and NOT HAVE THEM instead of having them and treating them bad or not being happy because they're there. Everyone is different, and that is just not a state to enter because everyone else is doing it.

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  63. No, everyone should be able to make their own choices.

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  64. No! Having children is a huge commitment. I would rather a couple be childless than miserable with a child.

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  65. no it is a free country. children need to be wanted and loved

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  66. Absolutely not my sister did not have children at first I pushed her until I thought about it and I was pushing my choices onto her she is very happy seeing my children then going home she has a very full life sometimes I am jealous I feel she has a fuller life than me!

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  67. It's a personal choice and not one that people should be judged by.

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  68. A definite no! It just a choice that person has to make themselves.

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  69. People who choose not to have children should not be made to feel as though they are not normal. Having kids is a very personal decision.

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  70. The choice to not have children is a responsible decision not an abnormal one. There are too many people who have children but don't want the responsibility.

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  71. No I dont think so!

    freebiegoddess03@aol.com

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  72. No, it's a personal decision that each couple needs to make together and it's not our place to judge them.

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  73. Frankly, I don't think we should be concerning ourselves with how many children a couple (or single person!) chooses to have, whether it's 0 or 10. It is personal choice and each person/couple should decide for themselves. (And of course some people don't get to choose, but have the decision made for them if they are infertile.) One of my favorite professors in law school made it clear for me when she said she and her husband had chosen not to have children, and they saw it as being not child-LESS but, rather, child-FREE. I thought that was great!

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  74. No, the reason this world is interesting is we have all kinds of people with different goals, desires. It is a good mix we don't want everyone to be exactly the same.

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  75. No, of course not. My daughter is one of those people.

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  76. absolutely not!! your body your life your choice!!!

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  77. Of course not
    lisa.blogs2 at gmail dot com

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  78. Definitely not. I'm starting to think it's the opposite, my daughter is driving me batty. holymoleynicoley at aol dot com

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  79. People should be able to live their life they way the want to without judgement

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  80. no, not everyone should be a parent--children requite a real committment

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  81. No, everybody should be treated equally & everybody has a right to theri own opinions/decisions they make in life.

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  82. Absolutely not, having children or not having children is a personal choice, and in all honesty, sometimes I wish more people would choose not to have children !!

    ktgonyea at gmail.com

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  83. No--all too often people appear in the news who should never have had children, and it is almost always the children they do have who have suffered for that. Having a child or not having one is a personal choice, that should be recognized and honored by everyone.

    cgclynsg0 @ gmail dot com

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  84. no its choice, there is no requirement that says you are required to have children.

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  85. Christina - xristya@rock.com - Of course not, people have the right to choose not to have children!

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  86. Absolutely not. It should be up to that person to decide

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  87. absolutely not. it should be up to that person.

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  88. Certainly not! People who don't want children are wise enough to know what direction their live need to take for fulfillment, and children are not a necessary for a happy life. For those who choose kids -- great! For those who choose no kids -- great! Live life to the fullest and be happy with your choices!

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  89. No -- everyone should make their own choice. However, I would never have wanted to miss a day in my childrens' lives.
    rsgrandinetti@yahoo(DOT)com

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  90. No certaily not. People should have their own choice. Thanks for this giveaway.

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  91. Definitely not everyone should make their own choice!
    Thank you for the great post!

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  92. No, it is their own personal choice.

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  93. No one should be forced into having children and there is nothing abnormal about it!

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  94. no way! Parenthood isnt for everyone and that's totally ok!

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  95. no way! Parenthood isnt for everyone and that's totally ok!

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  96. It is a decision that should be made by the couple.

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  97. It is their choice but I think they are missing out on having a lot of joy in the world. I didn't want kids for awhile and did it for the hubby and it was the best thing I ever did.

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  98. It's their decision and no one has the right to judge them for it.

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  99. Absolutely not. It is an individual choice.

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  100. Having children is a personal choice and no one should feel pressure to do so otherwise or feel unnormal.

    helyn4@yahoo.com

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  101. My adult children do not want children of their own and I support their choice. They certainly shouldn't be treated differsnt because of it.
    Danielle ddhavens@yahoo.com

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  102. No, I don't see any reason to make the childless-by-choice feel abnormal. Thanks for the giveaway!

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  103. I think that there are women who know they would not be right as parents. There is nothing wrong with that. Thank you

    candieluster(at)gmail(dot)com

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  104. Of course not! I appreciate that some people recognize that being a parent is not in their best interest or a child's interest. Some people are clearly not meant to be parents. It's an individual's choice whether or not he/she wants to be a parent.

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  105. Sounds like an interesting book for young women to read. having children is a personal choice, and if a woman chooses not to have any, that's her choice.

    worthchasingamy(at)gmail(dot)com

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  106. of course not.

    dani marie ferriza2(at)yahoo(dot)com

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  107. No it should be every persons choice.......chap1987@bellsouth.net

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  108. It should be a couples choice. Why force something on them they do not want? mootpi@gmail.com

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  109. What a weird question. I believe part of the purpose of life is to have families, but that doesn't mean everyone wants to.

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  110. I've always wanted to have children, but couldn't. How would it make me feel to be judged?? I never have been, and this is awesome! myamurphy@mail.com

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  111. No one should ever judge someone for not wanting kids
    shilobeedy@gmail.com

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  112. Heavens no!! No one should place judgement on anyone not wanting children. I have a couple of friends who have chose to not have children & I have always wanted children & I have a son & am trying for another child...I dont think any less of them at all. It is their personal choice & business. They treat my child with nothing but love & pure affection, they are great people & not wanting children doesnt change that or make them any less normal than people who want children.

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  113. Every person is allowed to choose their way in life, no one else has the right to dictate
    weta1972@yahoo.com

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  114. No one should be made to feel bad about not wanting to have children. Unfortunately in the US I don't foresee this mindset changing anytime soon. I feel this problem stems from religious means and a puritanical mindset.

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  115. It should be nobody's business whether people choose to be parents or not.

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  116. Of course not! It's their choice, and who are we to say that because they don't want children, that they're not normal? Everyone has a choice in this life, and if they don't want kids, then it's up to them.
    magickalblessings26{at}gmail.com

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  117. No, it's a very personal decision

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  118. No, I believe it is up to the individual and what they want.

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  119. Absolutely not it is ur own decision and no one elses

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  120. Certainly not. One of my sisters has made this decision, and there's nothing "abnormal" about her.

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  121. People should not be questioned or judged about their decision to have children.

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  122. Absolutely not. The Earth is not underpopulated. We need to emphasize quality over quantity in nearly all things, including children. Have children only if you want them and want to invest your time, love and heart in them with joy.

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  123. It's all personal choice and nobody should be bothered because of it.

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  124. OF course not. People choose not to have children for a variety of reasons. SOme don't want the financial burden and headache of being tied down all the time

    ardy22 at earthlink dot net

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  125. No! I think it's everyones's own choice. Thanks for the awesome giveaway!

    Tiffany Hearn

    Tandt625 at hotmail dot com

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  126. Absolutely not. Having children is a very personal choice and shouldn't be of concern to anyone else. Gaye M; rustysrambles(at)gmail(dot)com

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  127. No way. I commend people for knowing what they want. I believe choosing not to have kids is just as important as choosing to & that more people should take the decision more seriously! Rafflecopter- Jennifer Harriman

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  128. Please Enter Me In Your Kindle Fire Giveaway.
    This Would Be Great To Win.
    In Response To Your Question Of Should people who choose not to have children be made to feel they are not normal?
    No Because Having Children Is A Personal Choice.
    Thank You For Having This Giveaway!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  129. I think whatever a person chooses is their business and nobody elses.What is right for one person may not be for another and should not be judged by others. Take Oprah for instance she could afford 100 kids but she chooses not to have any and that is her decision and people should respect that.

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  130. NO THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE TO FEEL THAT WAY

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  131. Absolutely not!
    ericacarnes(at)gmail(dot)com

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  132. no that's ridiculous - regnod(at)yahoo(d0t)com

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  133. Absolutely not. I chose not too and i'm very normal. It's a personal choice.
    Rafflecopter: Tara Woods

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  134. No, having children is a choice and it's not for everyone. I know quite a few people my age who don't have children.

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  135. No, having a childre is a choice and being a parent isn't for everyone.

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  136. Of course they shouldnt!

    rypm25@aol.com

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  137. Of course not, people's choices should be respected.

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  138. Personally I think some people are better not having children...they may be happier healthier individuals on their own then with a child. The responsibility of a child isn't something that everyone wants, needs or can handle. I think people should be praised for knowing what they want in life. I have had the chance to have one child of my own and raise several others. I am happy being a parent and I understand individuals who are not.

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  139. Absolutely not! I used to feel that way...but when I met the man of my dreams, I changed my mind. There are a lot of ppl that just know they aren't the "having kids" type and don't want to worry about anyone but themselves for the rest of their lives. That's okay though.

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  140. No. There's nothing wrong with choosing not to have children.

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  141. No. It is a very personal decision
    jjak2003 at gmail dot com

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  142. no way. i never wanted kids before i had my son. of course i love him to death, but kids just aren't for some people.

    cb_shorty2003@yahoo.com

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  143. NO
    no19034770 @yahoo.com

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  144. It is a very personal decision. I would rather have someone choose to not have a child that take the chance that that person may come to resent the child. Having children is a LIFETIME event. Even after they are 18, you are still a parent, you still worry about them, and they still come to you for guidance.

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  145. No they should not. We all have choices and if a couple doesn't want children, that is their choice. It is not a requirement of life to have children.

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  146. No, they shouldn't be made to feel that way! To each their own!!

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  147. No, I believe it is up to the individual

    Hotsnotty2@hotmail.com

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  148. Nope, it's a personal choice.

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  149. No, it is up to each person. They shouldn't be looked down upon for that.

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  150. Absolutely not! The world is over populated plus so many people who choose to have children should not have. I believe the choice is personal and should be respected.
    jaquerichards at yahoo dot com

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  151. I don't think so. I am told that I can't have children....so I would hope not.

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  152. Having children is a big responsibility. It's about the children ultimately, not the parents.

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  153. Absolutely not..I would rather a person was honest about not wanting kids than bring them into the world and mistreat them

    jdmimi at gmail dot com

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  154. Not at all. I'm a mom of 4 and I feel like all people are different and it's each person's own personal decision to start or not start a family.

    Lisa Garner

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  155. No. Some people know they don't want to have children because it is not the type of life they want. Everyone should be free to decide for themselves.
    seknobloch(at)gmail(Dot)com

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  156. No. Not everyone can or should have children. And noone should ask them why they don't have any.

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  157. No..... Everyone has their own right to make their own choices for what is right in their life.
    californiapoppys@yahoo.com

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  158. That would be crazy. Why look down on people for a personal choice. Especially one that doesn't affect others.

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  159. I would never presume to judge anyone for their choice to have children or not. It's an individual choice and although I loved raising 5 children it was not easy.

    willitara [at] gmail [dot] com

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  160. No...it is a choice. A very difficult choice, I would suspect.
    sarahyurga@yahoo.com

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  161. No! Absolutely not! I think it is great to know what you do and do not want out of life. Some choose not to have children. I chose to have one and am criticized for having just one. My aunt chose not to have any, and she is the gentlest, warmest hearted person ever. She just knew she wanted to pursue other things in life.

    tridingermckee at gmail dot com

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  162. No. They are not threat to anyone. Marcus

    flashlight13114 AT yahoo DOT com

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  163. No they should not. Its a personal choice.

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  164. definitely not, they have chosen a life for themselves and we should celebrate that!
    susansmoaks at gmail dot com

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  165. No, that's a personal decision. Having and/or raising children isn't for everyone. (Roxann)

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  166. No one knows better than themselves what is right for them. Walk a mile and judge not are cliches for a reason.

    ReplyDelete
  167. No, if someone does not want to have children, it is their own business

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  168. No, everyone should choose to live their life the way they want. Period.

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  169. No! Not everyone is meant to be a parent. I wouldn't want someone that didn't want children to be a parent, there's no telling how they would treat the children. Thank you!
    crystalfaulkner2000 at yahoo dot com

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  170. No, we should respect people's personal choices.

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  171. Absolutely not! Not everyone wants the responsibility of being a parent. It takes a lot of work to provide for a family. Personally.. what kind of world are we bringing children into ? Not acceptable.
    kat_emerick@yahoo.com

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  172. No. Parenting is not for everyone.

    jagar0047 at yahoo dot com

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  173. No. Why would anyone want to make anyone feel abnormal.

    ReplyDelete
  174. No they should not! It's a personal choice and not every person is fit for parenthood or even have the desire to do so!

    ReplyDelete
  175. No. It's a personal choice.

    LuckyTJG at cs dot com

    ReplyDelete

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